A Blessing From God At The Wrong Time

So I started seeing this guy. He was sweet, kind, caring, and respected me at the time. He touched me right emotionally and physically. I had made a pact however that I was not going to sleep with him. I told him straight that he should not expect anything from me because our relationship was not going to get physical. Then one day he asked if he could come over to my place and chill. I lived in Budget Suites in Addison at that time, so I figured why not. He came over way too late and claimed he could not go home because he rides the bus. He stated that he called his sister to come and pick him up, but that he got not answer. I had to go to work early in the morning and I told him that he would have to leave at that time. So he stayed the night. He smoked a cigarette in my bathroom. Cigarette smoke gives me a headache for one and two, no one is supposed to smoke in the rooms at all. He apologized and stated that it would never happen again. Then that night he stated that he was going out and wanted the key to my room. It was about 11pm and so I said ok. He said that he would be back in a couple of hours. At about 12am, 2am, and 3am, I woke up only to find that he had not come back yet. I had to get up at 4am to get ready for work. I heard him come in after that, but was too tired to look at my clock. He was supposed to sleep on the couch, but I was so extremely tired that he crawled in my bed and he raped me.....although I don't remember much. I felt empty, weird, and awkward...the same way I usually feel when something like this happens. I was upset at myself for letting it happen, but I did not let that show. I woke up at 4:30am with a huge migraine only to find out that my entire room smelled like weed (marijuana). I was pissed. He tried brushing it off stating things like, "it's just a little weed", "I'm black", and "you're trippin". I told him that I wanted him to leave but he refused stating that I needed to call his sister to come and pick him up. I told him to get up, use the phone, and call her himself. He still refused. I told him that either he can leave hisself or I can call someone to help him leave. He obviously thought that I was joking because he kept stating that I was "trippin" over a little piece of bud and some sex. It was not just any bud and a little sex...he had raped me and I had to go to work with a migraine headache and look at a computer for eight hours straight and he could care less and would not take responsibility for what he did. Not only did he smoke weed in my suite, rape me in my bed, but now I also had a huge migraine. I called the cops and had him removed from my suite.

Then about two weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. I decided to call him and let him know. We tried to get together to discuss the future of this child and he stated that he was not going to smoke in my place anymore or anywhere around me. I am about three weeks now and have been trying to get him to sit down with me and discuss the future of this child. He keeps asking me for money so he can turn it around into an "empire". He is talking about selling drugs. I am so not into that. I have to pay bills and some more and he keeps saying that he will give the money right back to me in an hour. I told him today and yesterday that I didn't have any money. He called a guy today and told some man that he had fifty dollars and that he wanted the drugs. The guy was on his way and he asked me to give him the fifty dollars. I reminded him that I didn't have fifty dollars. He then stated that we can go to the bank and that a ride was coming to take us there. I told him that I was not going anywhere. Instead of accepting that he decided to try and help me put on my clothes in order to go to the bank. I called my mom and started discussing the situation right there in front of him. He asked me for the key to the hotel and I refused to give that to him. He took my cell phone and left. Trusting men to be "good" men these days is hard. The men are the ones who complain that we can't hold against them what everyone else has done to us, but the problem comes in when the same men who say that are the same ones who are up to no good. This guy scares me, he freaks me out, and yes, I should have never let him in my hotel room. He states that this child is going to be a gangster because it runs in his genes. His father apparently is Jamaican and was highly into the mafia. The way he tells it, his father trusted the wrong people and was put into jail. The baby, a blessing, the man, not so much, and then it comes to my decision, the baby or the man and the baby. Abortion for me is not an option. He stated that his family has lots of money and that if I ever tried to run that money over tops everything else. I choose life, my blessing, and my baby.